Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Are you a ladder or an "adder"

Sometimes you are the person that is struggling. Other times you are the person that the struggler is going to for help.

When that someone comes to you explaining/complaining about what is happening, are you an adder or a ladder for that person?

An adder is one who throws more gas onto the fire, agreeing with all that the person is complaining about and stokes their emotions, as sort of an emotional support.

A ladder is someone who tries to lift the person out of their predicament by offering words of encouragement and ways to resolve the issue.

Being an adder is really easy. It makes the complaining person feel righteous in their complaint and it makes you feel good because you are standing behind that person.

Being a ladder can be a bit more challenging. It does not mean that you don't support the person that comes to you. It just means that you find ways to make the person truly feel good and productive about themselves. What you say to that person may or may not be receptively received. The person is angry about a situation or another person and wants instant satisfaction and/or gratification. If you disagree with what the person's issue is, the person might walk away without hearing a word you have to say. In the long run though, you are helping the person out far more by being the voice of reason for them and helping them resolve their problem rather than just egging them on.

Being a ladder is not easy.

Make someone's day and perform a random act of kindness. It could be as simple (or complicated) as being a ladder for them.


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